Looking back on it I can’t believe I actually had the courage (or stupidity) to return to CFD after that fiasco of an Intro WOD. I definitely wanted to set records with my athletic prowess. I just didn’t expect it to be having the longest time of any member in the history of Intro WODs. I don’t know if the record holds up to this day but Regina left my time on the white board for a couple of years as a reminder. She was a sweetheart that way…
In those days CFD was brand new. It had opened around April and had half a dozen members so the owners Regina &Travis had a lot of time on their hands to onboard me. Regina handled my onboarding almost exclusively. Regina was a terrific coach when she was on her game and could really program. She made workouts fun for us but her attitude left a little to be desired. She would get into these “moods” and there was never really any planning for what foolishness would come out of her mouth, Here is a sample of what our conversations would sound like:
Regina: “Today we are going to work on box jumps. Go ahead and start.”
Me: “Can you show me how it’s done first?”
Regina: “ What are you talking about? It’s a box jump. You get a f*cking box and you jump on it!”
She had a real way with words that one…
We also mysteriously never actually saw her work out. She would always tell us how fit she was and “humble brag” about all her CrossFit accomplishments but we never actually saw her pick up a piece of equipment and use it. I walked in on her once holding a kettlebell and wanted to snap a picture but couldn’t get to my phone quick enough. She’s like the Bigfoot of CrossFit that way. She particularly love to brag about how good she was at burpees. She would routinely say to me things like “I’m great at those. I came out of my mother’s p*ssy doing burpees” or “Your burpees look like you are humping the floor. Mine are better.” That last one was what I called a “Regina two-fer” She could insult you and brag about herself all at once. That takes skill and boy did she have it. I say all of this with love because for all of the craziness that she would spew at us, she could spot bad movement from a mile away and would not let you continue until it was corrected. She instilled in me early on that cheating reps would not be tolerated and that only good form would be allowed. She also could tell when someone was moments from quitting on a WOD and would be right on your side until you finished. She would make you feel completely accomplished and proud afterward which in my opinion are all things a great coach does.
MAY 30, 2011
1 mile run
300 air squats
1 mile run
So this was the day from hell. I wonder if the coaches sit around and say “How can we torture the new guy? Let’s do the hardest possible workout in his first full week!” I don’t know if that’s how it went down but it feels that way. Apparently this is a benchmark workout that we will be doing every year around Memorial Day and that’s good because based on how I feel it will likely take me that long to recover. This thing took me 47 mins and I scaled it by half. I got passed by virtually every gym member doing it as a full workout and at least one little old lady outside with a walker. I tripped her though so my time was better.
I had a few issues today (besides the obvious). One, it was hotter than Satan’s crotch in the gym and I couldn’t breath. Regina was in a mood again and when I mentioned this to her she just shouted at me “If you can talk you can breath! Now work harder!” I don’t know if I should respond with “Yes drill sargent!” or just keep my mouth shut. She also kept saying to me “Quit banging your hips on the floor during those pushups! It’s no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.” I know she means well but jeeze….Thank God I was sweating because it hides the tears easier. Second, I ripped my hands in like a million places from those pullups. I’m not gonna lie. Those hurt like hell and I am not looking forward to my shower later not to mention it’s gonna ruin any “extracurricular activities” I had planned. I ripped both hands so it’s like your girlfriend and her sister are sick at the same time. Man do I love CrossFit…